Mentor Method
Whatever side of the desk you’re on, mentoring isn’t a passive process. Mentors need to know how best to implement a program. And protégés—well, you need to get the most out of the relationship.
By Christine Bockelman
Finding a mentor is one of the best—and most straightforward—ways to boost a career. Research shows that people with mentors advance farther and faster, says Dr. Ellen Ensher, associate professor of management at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles and co-author of Power Mentoring: How Successful Mentors and Protégés Get the Most Out of Their Relationships (Jossey Bass, 2005). “People tend to get more promotions, have greater job mobility, have greater career and job satisfaction and make more money if they have a mentor,” she says.
The benefits, in fact, do flow both ways. “I’ve never had a protégé I didn’t learn from,” says Wally Bock, author of the new book Performance Talk (2005). “Protégés come with different perspectives and a whole new set of energy. They ask questions about things you’ve quit thinking about. ‘Why do we do it that way? That doesn’t make sense to me.’ ‘Whose idea was this?’ And you catch yourself saying, ‘We’ve always…oh no’,” Bock explains.
Sounds pretty good, huh? But not every mentor/protégé relationship works. These tips for those on both sides of the desk will help make this you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours relationship a rousing success.
For the Protégé:
Not all mentors are created equal. Finding a mentor who suits both your learning style and your personality is the key to the relationship’s success. “It’s not enough to find someone who’s a master in your field; you have to find someone who’s a good teacher,” says Francie Dalton, founder and president of Dalton Alliances, Inc. For one person, this might mean finding someone who teaches visually; for another, it might be someone who likes to use the shadowing technique.
Compatible personalities also are key. If you don’t like each other, you’re not going to trust each other, and it’s hard to accept advice from someone who’s opinion you don’t value 100 percent. “If you’re a Sherman tank and I’m a shrinking violet, we’re not going to have a good relationship,” says Dalton.
Also, if you don’t trust the person who’s handing you advice, there’s little incentive to follow that advice. And while you don’t have to go out and have drinks with each other on Saturday nights, a protégé should look up to and respect their mentor. If you don’t, you’re wasting your time. “I don’t think you can learn if you don’t have a good rapport,” says Bock.
Come to the table overly prepared. “I used to get a lot of calls from people wanting to take me out to lunch and pick my brain. I used to have the devil’s time with this until I talked to someone who suggested I say, ‘What would you like to ask me?’” Bock explains. “Most of them didn’t know. I found out that when I asked that question, 80 to 90 percent of the people never called back because they didn't know what they wanted. But the ones who did resulted in some really rich relationships.”
What’s more, know what your mentor has achieved, where they went to school, what issues they’re dealing with in their office, etc. Bring questions to each meeting, instead of relying on your mentor to set up the syllabus. “Be willing to take on extra work, complete assignments or do research in-between meetings. “Demonstrate your willingness to go the extra mile,” says Dalton. As with many things, what you put in is what you’ll get out. “You can get ahead by asking questions, being interested and catching the error in your mentor’s report before it goes to press. And there’s an awful lot to be said for being helpful, friendly and conscientious. It draws attention to you, and makes people want to help you out,” she explains.
Welcome suggestions; embrace criticism. “You have to be willing to take the help offered,” says Ensher. “When a mentor makes a suggestion, try it. For a lot of mentors, this is an initial test to see if they want to go further with the relationship.”
The point of this relationship is to grow and change, and growth doesn’t often come easily. There’s usually a heavy dose of, “You don’t want to hear this but I have to tell you” involved.
“My experience is that someone who always needs a cheerleader isn’t a good protégé. You have to be able to hear the hard words from time to time,” Bock contends. “In the beginning of a consulting relationship, I tell people that I will say things that will hurt them. They’re not intended to hurt; they’re intended to get things right for you. But you buy me because I will speak the truth to you, and sometimes the truth isn’t comfortable.”
Give back. “You have to have something to offer in return, even if it’s just a thank you,” says Ensher. “When the relationship isn’t give and take, it doesn’t last very long.”
A protégé might offer to help the mentor with a specific project, or to do some administrative work. Remember that they’re giving up their time to help you, so it’s a good idea to give up some of your own time in return.
“For the book, we talked to Larry Carter, the former CEO of Cisco, who said his protégé was one of the few people who would give him really sincere and honest feedback,” Ensher recalls. “It might seem funny since she was at a lower level than him, but she was a sounding board. When he gave a presentation, everyone would pat him on the back and tell him what a great job he did. But when they were driving back to the office, he would ask his protégé what she thought, and she felt she could give him sincere feedback. He told us he really appreciated that from her.” [ ^Top ]
For the Mentor:
Know when and when not to be nice. Before laying harsh words on someone, Bock recommends asking yourself if the target of your criticism can handle this particular encounter on that particular day. “There are times when people just can’t handle you picking apart their work. They’re not emotionally ready for it that day. And if they’re not ready for it, it doesn’t do me any good to say it.”
While the best mentors are always honest with their protégés—advising them when something isn’t a good idea, pointing out possible weaknesses, etc.—there’s no reason to be negative all the time. Sure, you’re trying to help a protégé become a better person, but reinforce the things they do right at least as often as attacking their mistakes. A protégé will build up a defensive wall if you keep going after them, and then nothing gets accomplished.
That said, sometimes a mentor just has to lay out the truth. Some tax accountant wannabes just can’t master the necessary skills, for example. Instead of shutting the protégé down, suggest other career options. Put them in touch with people you know in other fields or specialties. Encourage them to find ways to work around their weaknesses. Be constantly mindful that your role isn’t to take the easy route and build up a protégé with false hope.
Don’t give away all the answers. The last thing a mentor should do is turn his or her protégé into “Mini-me.” The job of a mentor is to coach and guide, not force feed lots of information. “You want to create a thinking process,” says Brian Drum, president and CEO of Drum Associates, Inc. “The mentor brings a certain level of experience and a sense of how to deal with situations. They should suggest a response, say ‘Here are some options of things you should do. What seems right to you?’” he advises.
“You have to push the ownership of the question or problem onto the protégé. You should be helping them develop into the best they can be, not a carbon copy of yourself,” says Bock. “You need to lead them toward the answer that suits them best, otherwise you’re cheating them.”
Don’t force the issue. Formal mentoring programs can be stifling and narrow minded if they’re too overdone. “The key is to get the formal program to have as many characteristics of an informal relationship as possible,” Ensher advises. Don’t force people to be mentors if they’re not interested in it. Give them some choice in selecting a protégé. Again, if the rapport is strained, the relationship—and learning—will be strained. Have training programs in place so that mentors and protégés are coached on how to build successful relationships with each other. Suggest ways to help the relationship grow. And always provide some sort of exit strategy so that neither party is upset if the other thinks things just aren’t working out.
At Plante Moran, the mentoring program is a combination of both formal and informal. Every new hire is assigned two mentors, a “buddy” who’s just one step above their level and helps them navigate the day-to-day, and a partner, who is more in tune with pushing the protégé ahead professionally. “Immediately, the new hire has two people who care about their welfare and have volunteered to help someone else out,” Plante Moran’s Bill Bufe explains. “At the minimum, they help the new hire get in touch with other people who can help them. At the maximum, the relationships become very strong and the new hire learns to depend on their assigned mentors.”
Fold mentoring into the corporate culture. “I think you have to start at the top of the house,” says Kathy Hannon, Midwest area managing partner for KPMG. “You have to have leadership at your organization that walks the walk and talks the talk. Senior leaders talk about it from a personal standpoint, not one that they pick up from an HR magazine. They live it and breathe it. It can’t be viewed as the program du jour.
Mentoring deeply instills an invaluable sense of worth in every employee. “It is the cornerstone of our retention program,” says Bufe. “It’s a wheel of progress. You get excellent staff coming in the door. Clients appreciate the great staff, and they pay to work with you again and again. You invest that money back into mentoring programs, which help keep morale high and people motivated. The clients notice that, and the retention of clients helps the firm grow. It’s a win-win situation.”
Think of the perks. After years of toiling to climb the ladder, you’ve finally reached a point where people look up to you. How do you know? Because you’re a mentor. “You’re seen as someone who can tap new talent. You’re recognized as a leader. You’re seen as surrounding yourself with a cadre of up-and-coming talent,” says Ensher. There’s also the added bonus of some ego stroking. “I’ve never heard anyone say they made it on their own. They always have at least one person to thank who helped them get ahead,” says Bufe.
Not only that, but by opening yourself up to the ideas and viewpoints of another person, you’re honing an important skill set. “In my view, you’re a much better professional if you can understand how someone else thinks. Throughout your career, you face various types of thinking. It’s a powerful asset to be able to quickly figure out how others think,” Hannon says. “There’s such power in learning how people tick.”
Also, a protégé is like a sponge. He or she absorbs a mentor’s every word, which is not only an ego boost, but also forms an intellectual camaraderie. “Most people—your spouse, your friends—can sympathize with your job situation, but don’t completely understand it. A protégé, when he or she is in your same field, gets it. The relationship can be a professional and intellectual amity,” Dalton explains.
Above all, remember that this is a relationship like any other. It works or doesn’t work based on a certain level of trust and compatibility. And if it’s not working, it’s best to gracefully, and politely, cut your losses and move on. If it does work, it pushes both parties to be open to new ideas and viewpoints, and, in essence, greatly helps both careers.