Overcoming Criticism

The way you react to constructive—and unconstructive—criticism speaks volumes about who you are, personally and professionally.

In my spring column, I stressed the importance of getting constructive feedback during your performance review—feedback that’s actionable and gives you the opportunity to add value to the company and to your career. Sometimes, though, constructive feedback isn’t all that constructive. Sometimes it isn’t actionable or productive. Sometimes it’s just criticism.

It would be great if you never encountered this, but at some point in your career you may be on the receiving end of negative criticism that leaves you without any idea how to respond. It might come from a manager, a peer, or a direct report, but regardless of who it comes from, it’s likely to leave you feeling uncomfortable, putting it mildly. This is a really tough situation to be in.

Yes, you can pretend you never heard it and hope the situation “resolves” itself, but, ultimately, you need to move past it in a healthy way that doesn’t hinder your future career prospects.

So what can you do?

FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

I won’t tell you that the criticism isn’t personal. It will feel very personal and you may immediately find yourself on the defensive. That said, it’s best not to react in the moment. I know that’s easier said than done, but the way you react speaks volumes about you and how you manage conflict. Pause; listen with intent to understand, and focus on the long-term impact of any reaction you may have.

DIG INTO THE DETAILS

A well-respected mentor once shared with me his philosophy on criticism: “Praise doesn’t need details, but criticism is all in the details.” Generalized criticism like, “You do not communicate well,” is of little value on its own. If details are lacking, you have the right to ask for an example of a situation that prompted the criticism. Try to gather enough details to understand the motivation behind the criticism and also to determine the action you can take to address it.

REMAIN AUTHENTIC

It’s natural to want to avoid conflicts and quickly resolve any that do arise, particularly in the workplace, but it won’t serve you well in the long-run if your response isn’t authentic. A colleague once shared that her personality had been described as “nice,” implying that she couldn’t execute the tough decisions required by her role. She didn’t respond by being less nice, instead she excelled in her role by making whatever decisions were necessary to succeed. There are just some things that shouldn’t be changed.

There also are some things that simply can’t be changed. In the category of “It’s not you, it’s me,” sometimes it really is the proverbial “You.” There may be times when you conclude that there’s nothing you can do to address your criticisms. You have to be willing to accept that sometimes it just doesn’t work out, and that’s all right. All you can ever really do is try to be the best version of you.